Repairing Relationships After Disagreements
By Richard Sgaglio
November 2026
We’ve all had those moments. You send a text that sounds harsher than you intended. Someone keeps looking at their phone while you’re talking. A friend makes a joke in the group chat that leaves you feeling embarrassed. Before you know it, you’re arguing about something that seemed small five minutes ago.
Disagreements happen, even between people who care about each other. The harder part can be figuring out what to do afterward. Do you bring it up? Wait for the other person to apologize? Pretend everything is fine? Moving forward usually takes more than changing the subject. It takes a willingness to talk about what happened and do something differently.
First, give yourself a chance to cool down. If you’re still thinking of the perfect comeback, you’re probably not ready to listen. It’s okay to say, “I’m upset, and I don’t want to make this worse. Can we talk in an hour?” Just make sure you return to the conversation. Otherwise, a break can start to feel like you are being ignored.
When you’re ready to talk, own your part in what happened. Maybe a family member disagrees with something you posted online, and you respond, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Later, you might say, “I got carried away and made it personal. I’m sorry I spoke to you that way.” You can stand by your opinion while apologizing for how you expressed it.
Be careful with apologies that hand the problem back to the other person. “Sorry you took it that way” can sound like their reaction is the issue. “I’m sorry I made that joke about you in the group chat” shows that you understand what you did. If other people saw the comment, ask whether the person would like you to correct it there, too.
Then give them a chance to explain. Ask, “What upset you most?” You might be surprised by the answer. A friend may not be angry because you canceled dinner once. They may feel hurt because you’ve canceled three times and haven’t suggested another date. Instead of listing how busy you are, try saying, “I can see why it feels like I’m not making time for you.”
Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. It means giving their experience some room. You can say, “I remember that differently, but I understand why you felt left out.” If you’re unsure what they mean, ask another question. Checking your understanding is more useful than assuming you already know what they’re going to say.
You also get to explain what bothered you. Keep it specific. If a coworker messages you about routine work late at night, try, “When I get work texts at ten, I feel like I need to answer. Could we save those for the morning?” That’s easier to discuss than, “You have no respect for my personal time.” Clear requests give people a way to respond.
Before wrapping up, agree on something practical. Maybe phones stay off the dinner table. Maybe you call when a text conversation starts getting tense. Maybe the friend who canceled makes the next plan. An apology matters, but following through helps the other person believe that something will change.
Before you move on, ask yourself a few questions. Am I ready to listen, or still ready to argue? Have I clearly said what I’m sorry for? Have I asked what hurt the other person and explained my own concern without blaming? Have we agreed on what we’ll do differently? Most of all, have I done what I promised?
Don’t expect everything to feel normal immediately. Someone can accept your apology and still need a little time. Let them have it. A few days later, you might ask, “Are we doing okay? Is there anything we still need to talk about?”
Repairing a relationship takes effort from both people. You can disagree and still make each other feel heard again. If the same hurt keeps happening, another apology may need to come with a firmer boundary. For everyday disagreements, you can often begin with something simple: “I care about you, and I don’t want to leave things like this. Can we talk?”
Richard Sgaglio is an Otis resident and published author who has worked in nonprofit marketing and communications for more than 30 years. He holds a master’s degree from Fordham University and currently serves on the faculty of Purdue University’s Communications Department.