The Lost Art of Listening

Communication Corner: A column dedicated to improving communication skills

By Richard Sgaglio

April 2026

In a world where everyone seems eager to share opinions, experiences, and advice, one of the most important communication skills is quietly fading away. That skill is true listening. Many people assume listening simply means hearing the words someone else says, but effective listening is more complex and far more important. True listening requires patience, attention, and a willingness to focus on another person rather than on what we want to say next.

When I teach interpersonal communication, I often ask students what it means to listen. Their responses are sometimes surprising, even to them. After they think about it many students recognize that they are not always as attentive as they thought. Instead of concentrating completely on the speaker, they often find their minds formulating a response they want to give. 

We have been socialized to listen in order to respond rather than to understand. While another person is speaking, we begin preparing our reply. By the time the other person finishes speaking, we are ready with our response, but we may have missed important parts of what they were actually trying to communicate.

Communication scholars refer to this as competitive listening. Instead of focusing on the speaker, we are mentally competing for our turn to talk. This happens frequently in conversations, especially when people disagree or feel strongly about a topic. Rather than absorbing what the other person is saying, we simply wait for the moment when we can present our own perspective.

In one-on-one dialogue, which communication experts call dyadic communication, people often begin forming a response before the other person has finished speaking. As a result, interruptions become common and important parts of the message may be missed. When this pattern repeats itself, conversations can become frustrating and unproductive for both people involved.

One reason this occurs is that many people feel uncomfortable with silence. We assume that a pause in conversation is awkward or negative, so we rush to fill the space with words. In reality, silence can serve an important purpose in effective communication. Allowing a brief pause after someone finishes speaking helps ensure that they have fully expressed their thoughts. Many people pause briefly while speaking as they search for the right words, and interrupting too quickly can cut off their message before it is complete.

A pause also gives us time to process what we have heard and to think about how we want to respond. Instead of reacting immediately, we can take a few seconds to consider the other person’s perspective and respond in a more thoughtful way. That can change the entire tone of a conversation.

Allowing space in a conversation also communicates respect. When we give someone the opportunity to finish speaking without interruption, we demonstrate that their ideas and experiences matter. In addition, those quiet moments often allow us to observe nonverbal cues that are just as meaningful as words. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language can reveal emotion and intention that might otherwise be missed.

Sometimes becoming a better communicator does not require learning something entirely new. Instead, it means returning to one of the most important foundations of communication, giving our full attention to others. Active listening involves focusing on the speaker with the goal of understanding their message rather than simply preparing a response. It also includes showing engagement through simple behaviors such as maintaining eye contact, nodding, and using facial expressions that signal attention and curiosity.

When people feel heard and understood, conversations tend to become more productive and satisfying. In many cases, becoming a better communicator begins with rediscovering the simple but powerful act of listening. OO

Richard Sgaglio is an Otis resident and published author. He holds a master’s degree in communications from Fordham University in New York City and has worked in the communications field for more than 25 years. He also serves on the faculty of Purdue University’s communications department.